Who am I?

A few days ago, two of my best friends shared some really powerful words with me. These words have resonated in my soul for days. “Are you living for yourself, or for someone else’s decision for who you are supposed to be?”.

This question made me think.  I’m talking think beyond my current non-stop, mind racing, having whole fictitious arguments in the shower type of thinking. It made me stop and think about three people: Me, Myself and I.

Who am I? What am I? Who do I want to be?

Believe it or not, I opened the notepad app on my phone because I really wanted to write out the answers to this question. Then I sat there, fingers frozen for a good 3 and a half minutes. Then I started jotting words down like: woman, mom, friend…employee. Hmph. Well that can’t be all, can it? Will someone read four words at my eulogy? “She was a woman, mom, friend and employee”? Shit no! Come on Bianca, think!

For those of you who know me well (you’ll hear me say this a lot) know that I don’t see myself in the same light as those around me. I am a perfectionist. I’m my worse critic. I hold myself to unrealistic standards that I’m not exactly sure where they come from. I’m prickly. When asked to describe myself as a fruit, I chose a pineapple. Prickly on the outside, but sweet in the middle.

On the flip side, I am so much more. This exercise really got me thinking and focusing on me. My positive attributes. What I have to offer this world and most importantly myself. So, who am I? What am I?

  • I’m woman
  • I’m mother
  • I’m friend
  • I’m employee
  • I’m a rock
  • I’m consistent
  • I’m an empath
  • I’m a listener
  • I’m a goofball
  • I’m an organizer
  • I’m a planner
  • I’m a closet nerd
  • I’m a reader
  • I’m a nature lover (believe it or not)
  • I’m a foodie
  • I’m an inspirer
  • I’m a testimony
  • I’m a professional
  • I’m a family woman

Each day I’ve been working on my list of “nouns” for who I am. What really put a smile on my face was the list of “adjectives” I began to write for “What am I”?

  • I’m compassionate
  • I’m strong
  • I’m sensitive
  • I’m loving
  • I’m emotional
  • I’m loyal
  • I’m dedicated
  • I’m empathetic
  • I’m understanding
  • I’m responsible
  • I’m trustworthy
  • I’m dependable
  • I’m resilient
  • I’m goofy
  • I’m calculated

My list is and always be a work in progress. I’m okay with that. I’m not so bad actually 🙂 Each day I remind myself that if I’m not the best ME; if I’m not doing what needs to be done to take care of Bianca…I’m worthless to everyone else. So I ask you this: Who are you? What are you?

“Today I choose to live for who I am and who I want to be. God I ask that you remove the internal desire to be who the world needs me to be but be who you and I need me to be”.

B

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