One year ago today, I knew my life would be different. At the time, although unable to decipher what different meant, I just knew. I can honestly say that I vividly remember every single one of the last 365 days of my life. Some days I skipped in my journal because I never wanted proof that they actually happened nor the details of such. Other days had promise, smiles, laughter and love.
In the industry I work in, everything is driven by key dates, “milestones” as we call them. With that being said, sometimes I can’t help the way my brain works (trust me, I wish I could most days). Over the past year, I’ve forced myself to find value in every little milestone or key date. A way to say “Ok, if you make it to THIS date…you’re good”. I realized this process was making me more anxious of what was coming than I needed to be. I spent so much time waiting for “dessert” to come that I forgot to enjoy my “meal”.
I’ve let too many situations affect the person that I am to my core. I let hurt callus my heart. I let disappointment cause me not to trust. I let the altered reality of others convince me of things I knew weren’t true.
Healing is such a cluster. It’s the process of going thru shitty situations all while learning from them and coming out more resilient on the other side. I guess it’s true that life’s best lessons are those we learn on our own. Remember how many times our Moms said not to touch the hot stove?
The last 365 days have been a journey. Some days I wish I could burn the memory of and others have shown me that no matter how much shit life throws at you…you can use it as fertilizer. This process has been like an old knee injury. I’m better. I can walk but I can feel it when the rain is coming because my knee aches. And yes, sometimes my knee aches. Believe it or not, this Super Woman is really just a human in a cape.
One of the hardest things to do is smile when you’re really hurting. Always remember; it doesn’t matter how slow you go, as long as you don’t stop.