Today I let go…

Happy Eclipse Day! (By the time you read this it’ll be post-eclipse day…I tried!).

Today’s Eclipse held a lot of meanings for me. Some…direct, while the others a tad more metaphorical. For months I’ve held on to pain, confusion, frustration and just downright funkiness about the Moon.  For reasons I chose not to elaborate on in today’s post, the moon held a very negative connotation for me. It reminded me of something I would rather not be reminded of each day. Yet every night, I found myself in this self-inflicted moment of misery while trying to avoid being out after dark so I wasn’t faced with this big ball or crescent of agony. Yea, sounds really extra and over the top but I’m trying to be transparent here.

In my mind, “the moon” literally and metaphorically represented everything I was not. I was the Sun, the Aries, the fire sign. I began making this comparison. “The sun” versus “the moon”. I could only see bad versus good. The sun, it’s heat, fire, over powering the climate and surroundings, making people sweat and uncomfortable. Meanwhile, everyone loved this damn moon (or I perceived that they did). The kids did school projects about it. Wolves howled at it. Campers stared at it in awe. I even think at some point someone was casting people on a reality show to visit the moon. Well good for all of you moon lovers (#MiddleFingerEmoji). “I mean if you’re into that sort of thing”, is what I would think.

Stay with me through the overly dramatic, semi-understandable back story. Cliff’s Notes: Bianca = #TeamSun, not #TeamMoon.  Given where I am in this journey called life, I think it’s extremely monumental that this day, this year even…we were able to witness a solar eclipse. A moment in time, that your eyes cannot bear to look directly at, for it is too powerful. The moment when the moon attempts to cover the sun. I empathized with the Eclipse because for months I felt dimmed, at times dark. I didn’t want to look at my changing life. I didn’t want to see what things had become.

So here I am, so uninterested in this Eclipse because all I could think was “how dare the moon try to cover the sun”. #NotReallyIntoIt #HadEnoughOfThisShit. Then, during my therapy session, I was forced to think about what this Eclipse means to me. Why this day and this moment was so pivotal in my journey as well as “What I’m letting go of” during this Transition/New Beginning.

I came to the realization that, all this time, all these months, all these years…I’ve been the Sun. Hot, fiery, making others uncomfortable I’m sure at times. However, on the flip side, I represent light. I offer warmth and comfort to those around me. From my contributions, things and people grow and strive. I’m consistent. I’m dependable. No matter how difficult the day, you can count on me to rise again the next morning and be there for you. My energy can be felt on the chilliest of days. I’m a warm embrace, reminding you that I’m here to brighten your day. Not so bad, huh?

Today the moon attempted to cover the sun. We all waited patiently, with our phone and Eclipse approved glasses to watch in awe, what we believed would be darkness. But what happened? The sun was merely momentarily dimmed by the moon. It remained in its way. It remained bright, powerful, consistent, providing warmth and light to those miles and miles apart.

Life and situations attempted to drive me into darkness. Pain, hurt, disappointment, frustration, humiliation, disrespect, sadness and worthlessness were only a few emotions I felt on a daily basis. But like the Eclipse, they only dimmed my light momentarily. Here I still stand, yelling “Take that Moon! Take that pain! Take that humiliation! Take that sadness! I’m still here, shining. Being the warm touch that someone needs on a difficult day. Engulfing those near me in light and energy”.

During this powerful moment of transition and new beginnings, I decided to Let Go!

  1. Today I let go of self -doubt
  2. Today I let go of distrust for myself, my gut/intuitions
  3. Today I let go of saying I can’t, when I’ve proven over and over I can
  4. Today I let go of beating myself up for being human
  5. Today I let go of comparing myself to others
  6. Today I let go of worrying what others think of me because that’s none of my business
  7. Today I let go of asking why and embracing the path
  8. Today I let go of shutting down instead of communicating
  9. Today I let go of a chapter that I choose not to re-read everyday
  10. Today I let go of all the times I loved others more than I loved myself

What can you let go of today?

BF

 

4 thoughts on “Today I let go…

  1. Today I will let go of fear
    Today I will let go of self-doubt
    Today I will let go my insecurities
    Today I will let go of the rut I’ve been in so I can become inspired and motivated
    Today I will let go of the self-inflicted guilt
    Today I will let go of beating up myself for the poor decisions I made and learn from them to avoid making the same mistakes.

  2. Today I will let go of fear
    Today I will let go of self-doubt
    Today I will let go my insecurities
    Today I will let go of the rut I’ve been in so I can become inspired and motivated
    Today I will let go of the self-inflicted guilt
    Today I will let go of beating up myself for the poor decisions I made and learn from them to avoid making the same mistakes.

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