It’s not you, it’s me

My motto for 2019 is, “It’s not you, it’s me” and I hope that by the time you finish reading this post you’ll understand why.

Have you ever realized how easy it is to point things out that you may not be fond of in other people? But lord isn’t it uncomfortable to look in the mirror and have a real life conversation with yourself about your own shit?

At some point along the way, we become who we are. We drag our metaphorical “bags of shit” along with us thru life. From relationship to relationship. From friendship to friendship. From job to job.

There are things, traits and characteristics that are intrinsic to our being. On the flip side, our experiences also play a major role in who we become. We’re affected by: what we’ve been told, what we’ve told ourselves, what we’ve seen, what we haven’t seen, who we associate with, what we watch on TV, what we listen to on the radio and much more. All of these things (consciously or subconsciously) affect who we end up being.

Question for you: Have you ever met yourself? Have you ever stopped and taken the time to acknowledge how you occur for other people? Have you ever stepped into someone else’s world in an effort to experience what it’s like to interact with you? Whether that’s a significant other, your child(ren), a friend, a co-worker or maybe a stranger in passing. Have you experienced what’s it’s like to be on the receiving end of you?

I recently had an epic conversation with a soul very dear to me. I got present (once again!) to the way I have occurred for her and other people (specifically in personal relationships – i.e. significant other, close friends). I wasn’t a good communicator. As a matter of fact, I was a down right horrific communicator. Somewhere along the way I either picked up some really ugly communication habits or never took the time to acknowledge the need to improve my communication.

During intense personal (and specifically emotional) conversations, I talked more than I listened or I completely shut down. I listened to respond and struggled to remove my feelings from the situation and step into the world of the other person. I was dismissive of other’s feelings and at times couldn’t even articulate how I truly felt. I was painfully defensive if I didn’t like what was being said and at times would completely avoid the elephant in the room versus talking about it.

Communicating with me was probably like trying to brush your teeth while eating an Oreo. You just don’t do it. To take it a step further, imagine those behaviors I was exhibiting and insert someone trying to talk to me about how they were having a hard time communicating with me. Step into their world for a second. This conversation had to be similar to that carnival ride that spins so fast that you get stuck to the wall until you’re almost at the verge of puking. Get me out of this damn thing!!! #TakeMeOutDisShit

Getting to know how I occur for other people has helped me tremendously. I offer this to you, consider taking time to get present with how you occur for other people. It wasn’t a comfortable exercise for me. Hell, I’ve been doing the exercise off and on since 2017 at this point and JUST had the biggest break thru a couple of days ago. One thing to remember is that this isn’t intended to place blame solely on yourself. It’s not intended to place blame anywhere. The goal is self-reflection, accountability and transformation for the moments you’re living in right now!

Getting present to how I occur/occurred for others opened up a lot for ME and has helped me tremendously on my journey of transformation. Being a better listener, hearing and acknowledging the feelings of those I care for, having healthy dialogue, articulating and expressing how I feel in my soul, asking for help when I need it, verbalizing my needs without fear, and being open versus shutting down are just a few things I’ve gained.

This is HUGE for me because in order to achieve what it is I want in this life, effective communication is key. I am the only person I can control. I am accountable for MYSELF and MY actions. So why  not know what it’s like to interact with and be on the receiving end of ME so that I can adjust to remain in alignment with who I desire to be?

So….are you ready to be accountable by saying “it’s not you, it’s me”? Are you ready to meet you?

Creating Possitilities!

keep-calm-and-create-possibilities

I learned some really epic things about myself at The Forum. There’s something about getting straight with yourself and uncovering what happened along the way that influenced who you became in life. One of my favorite takeaways was learning to create possibilities for myself and my life. Negative talk, self sabotage and feeling bad for yourself are a thing of the past! Hell, the past is a thing of the past. Leave it back there…you’re not going that way.

So, it’s just this simple. Create a possibility for yourself. Something you want. Something you’re going to attain. Something you’re reaching out to touch in your future. Put your stake in the ground and go get it. Sound simple? It is. The second we choose our future, our thoughts and what we WILL do; the Universe begins to shift.

One thing to recognize and be very clear about is “the bigger the possibility, the bigger the breakdown”. Say it with me…”the bigger the possibility, the bigger the breakdown”. What does that mean? I’ll give you an example.

  • Possibility – I’m going to dinner with my friends and I will be 30 minutes early.
  • Mini-Breakdown – Someone calls as you’re walking out the door.
  • Jr. Breakdown – You forget your wallet in your other purse during your bag swap out and you have to turn around to pick it up.
  • Breakdown – It’s 89 degrees and you can’t remember if you put deodorant on. (no biggie, there’s a Walgreen’s on the way. #Solved).
  • Sr. Breakdown – You get on the interstate and traffic is jammed. #AtlantaProblems

Notice all these things that popped up between you and your possibility? If we learn to recognize our breakdowns we will get to our break thru much faster! Surviving a breakdown isn’t always easy. Call in reinforcements if you need to! Send me an email if you want. We’re in this together.

Screw you Breakdown!

  1. Acknowledge that the breakdown is just a breakdown
  2. Don’t make your breakdown wrong!
  3. Do NOT and I repeat do NOT give up on your possibility!
  4. Repeat 47 times if needed (sometimes I have to repeat it 81 times LOL)

One of the possibilities I create for myself is living a life filled with: love, support, positivity, and gratitude.

What possibilities will you create for yourself?

Lunar Eclipse & Blood Moon!

The Universe wins once again! As if last year’s solar eclipse wasn’t timely, metaphorical and awesome enough, I get this little gem.

This Friday, July 27th is a total lunar eclipse and blood moon. Here comes the end of a chapter, flush of emotions and bountiful opportunities for us. Check out the links below for more goodies.

Happy eclipsing 🙂

B

 

 

 

The Year of No BS

This past week has been one of the most epic weeks of my life. Literally. I had an amazing birthday surrounded by people I love. My face and soul have been smiling nonstop. Pre-birthday celebration. Bee-day celebrations. Birthday meditation and sound therapy. Birthday energy healing. Birthday coffee. Birthday pedi and movie yesterday. Birthday happy hour tonight. I am loving celebrating, nurturing and loving ME.

Last year this time I had convinced myself that my life wasn’t worth living. Literally. I was in a severe depression. I didn’t like or love myself for a very long time. Contrary to the belief of some, I blamed myself for my faults/failures as well as the mistakes/choices/short comings of others. I allowed situations to happen TO me versus realizing they were happening FOR me.

I had a real life conversation with myself a few weeks ago. It was time for me to shit or get off the pot. The metaphorical pot of feeling sorry for myself. Time for me to stop being a bag lady. Time to stop carrying my bucket of crap around that I’ve carried not just since last year or a few years prior, but for a loooooong time. Time for me to stop blaming myself for other people’s shit. Time for me to stop falling back into the cycle of looking for happiness in the same places I lost it. Time to stop giving a shit what other people thought about me and start giving a shit about what I think of me. Time to stop looking for what what I need in other people. Time to stop allowing my healing to be contingent on “answers” (or lies) of others. Time to stop spending minutes, hours, days attempting to explain who I am or convince people that I’m not a bad person.

My Bae Kehlani 🙂 says it best “they sleeping, they sleeping, they sleeping on me. But I don’t waste my time tryna prove that I’m something to see. The real ones they know and the ones that do not I don’t need”. Not only do I just love her….but I love these lyrics!!!! Music has a way of communicating things that I’m unable to at times.

Listen people, don’t take it personal. If I choose not to entertain you, it’s not you it’s me 😉 2018 is the year of No Bullshit. With that being said, I have to focus on things that make sense for me…not what makes sense for anyone else.

A year ago, nine months ago, one month ago…hell two Thursdays ago it drove me bananas when I’d hear people say “it takes time”…”be patient”. If you know me, you know that’s not really one of my party tricks 🙂 I continued to rush the process and not stop to realize that the journey was on purpose. It’s still hard to say. But dammit I’m convinced that all this rain has set me up and is setting me up for the most epic rainbow.

Stay tuned 🙂

B

Advice to my 7 year old self

Boy do I wish I could go back and have some talks with my 7 year old self. Back to a time when things were less complicated. Before the world became too tarnished. When Saturday mornings meant cereal, Flintstones and pajamas. When my biggest worry was eating all of my veggies. When riding around in my sister’s jeep listening to music was the highlight of my week.

I have learned that somewhere in life, at some point, I told the younger me some things that made her disbelieve how amazing she could become. I learned bad habits. Became insecure. Learned to deal with things I knew I shouldn’t deal with. At some point, my younger self lost her confidence. She lost her fire inside. So for months, I’ve been working on talking to her. “Un-telling” her all of those things that made her feel undeserving, insecure, tarnished, weak, vulnerable and sad.

If I could go back and sit down with her, I’d tell her this?

  • Pray! A lot.
  • Be you, don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re not good enough.
  • Say what you mean and mean what you say.
  • Follow your dreams  before you commit to anyone else’s.
  • Always trust your gut; it won’t let you down. If something feels off, it probably is.
  • Eat the cake, life is short.
  • If something is bringing you more pain than joy, let it go.
  • Don’t be afraid to choose YOU. It’s not selfish, it’s self care.
  • Always save for a rainy day.
  • It’s okay to feel down, just don’t unpack and live there.
  • If you have 2-3 really good friends, you’re blessed! Quality, not quantity.
  • Exercise for your health, not for anything or anyone else.
  • Social media is a feedback loop from hell, don’t get sucked in.
  • Go away to college, you deserve that experience.
  • Take the piano lessons!
  • Eat for your blood type, trust me you’ll thank me in 30 years!
  • Don’t ever stop dancing, your heart, mind and body love it too much.
  • Don’t get the tattoo, you’ll end up covering it up.
  • Don’t get the tattoo, you’ll end up covering it up. (yes, I meant to type it twice)
  • Travel the world, there’s so much beauty to see out there.
  • Learn two more languages and use them!
  • Go to law school, don’t let anything get in your way.
  • Learn from what you’ve seen and from what you haven’t seen.
  • Don’t make excuses, make solutions.
  • Dance in the rain.
  • Be the person YOU need, not the person anyone else needs.
  • Crying doesn’t make you weak, let it out.
  • Don’t relax your hair 🙂 Your natural curls are amazing!
  • Laugh until your face hurts.
  • Love is really amazing, don’t give up hope.

There’s so much more I could tell this little girl but I’ll stop here. What advice would you give your younger self?

B